Yesterday I wrote a Facebook post about how it was 20 days to my first anniversary of my stroke and how I am unsure about how I will feel that day. I want to talk about that a bit.
First of all, let’s talk about Dec 29, the day of the stroke. I don’t how l’ll feel that day. Hopefully it will be ok. We’ll know soon enough. Looking back, that day wasn’t bad compared to what was on the horizon.
December 31st is the day that will the toughest. When most people were cheering in the new year I was fighting for my life. I had a seizure that day. The stroke was still bleeding and my skull was expanding because the blood had nowhere to go. The doctors had given up on me, pronouncing me brain dead and the priest had gave me the Penance, Last Rites and Eucharist. Apparently two priests came with him to learn the process – they must have been really sure I was on my way out. I would like to point that this is typical Darcy fashion – if you’re going to do something do it with flair. In this case, die on New Years Eve. Not August 12 or February 5. They are just “ordinary” days. Remember what you did on those days? Probably not (unless your Marilu Henner). Remember New Years Eve? Thats the kind of day I have do it on. Something spectacular – with fireworks
Now here is where things get interesting. I didn’t die. If I did I doubt you’d be reading this. Unless when we die we enter some time warp and forever blah blah… forget it…I’m alive. So now that we established that I am alive, let’s get to the million dollar question.
WHY?
I ask myself this question every day. No answer yet. Maybe tomorrow.
If you believe in god you have your theories. If you believe in some other theory of how we got here then maybe you have your own explanation. Maybe it was just plain luck. Maybe it was because was I have a great family and friends and I didn’t want to send goodbye just yet (this one should get me some brownie points. But it’s true.). I am not sure why I am still here but if it’s because I have a purpose for being here I hope it involves me having millions of dollars (I’ll share, I promise).
What I do know is that I’m here. For whatever reason. And I’m glad. December 31st is probably going to be rough but I’ll get though it and the next day is January 1 and the beginning of a new year. And it’s going be a good one! For all of us!
My Stroke Progress Blog 